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  * * * *

  Seeing Eli take a vested interest in Joshua made Cassie beam with gratitude. Like any young man, Joshua needed a positive male influence who actually cared about his success. If only for the duration of the program, if Joshua smiled more and actually turned his attitude around to positive, all these efforts would be worth it.

  Eli then asked Joshua if he would step outside for a moment while he had a word with Cassie. Joshua jumped up quickly, eager to cooperate. “No problem. Mom, can I have some money for the pop and candy machines?” Cassie reached into her purse and gave Joshua some money for snacks. “Thanks Mom, see you in a bit.” He bounded out the office door and closed it behind him.

  Eli began the next set of questions tentatively since they were about Joshua’s home life and he knew this could be a sensitive topic. “I need to know a little more about Joshua’s day to day life, his surroundings at home, umm…those types of issues.” Eli felt a blush heat his face as he trailed off. Why would he be embarrassed to be asking what really were standard application questions? Now, where did that come from? It feels like I’m prepping to ask this woman on a date.

  If Cassie realized Eli’s awkward moment, she did not reveal it. She launched into what were the most personal details of a failed marriage, the impact on Joshua, and their day to day lives, Cassie recited the painful details with little emotion.

  Eli bristled at the thought of Cassie’s ex-husband walking out on such a beautiful woman and promising son. In the few interviews he had conducted since he started the program, this one was affecting him the most.

  Eli grew up in a comfortable home with both parents. His dad made coffee each weekend and always took his mom a cup in bed to begin her day. It was those little things that taught Eli how to nurture a relationship and never take the simple act of respect for granted. People did not take that much time with each other anymore.

  For this reason, up to now, Eli had no serious relationships. He dedicated his life to school, work, and now this program. He had little time to devote to properly tend a love affair. Eli preferred the occasional loneliness rather than the accusations of self-absorption that he was sure most women would feel at his inattentiveness. For this very reason, he remained dumbfounded that this woman right now—Cassie—had his stomach in knots.

  * * * *

  Cassie felt as though she was filling out some online dating application during the entire spiel. As she completed the monologue of her life up to now, she wondered why she felt little remorse or regret. She wove a sad tale of love gone wrong; however, she became accustomed to her situation and accepted the inevitable consequences.

  Cassie finished speaking and sighed. “More than you bargained for in that question, huh, Eli?” She hoped Eli took her words with a grain of salt. He had to have heard this drama before; she could not have been the first.

  Eli shook his head and leaned in gently toward Cassie. “Thank you for your candor. The information you provided is exactly what I, I mean we, need to get Joshua started on the proper path.” Cassie felt every bit of her forty-six years as she sat exposed in front of Eli, with very little of her anonymity left.

  * * * *

  Eli did not understand the emotions overcoming him. Cassie appeared broken, yet he knew better. She had yet to fully embrace her vibrancy and take command of her life. Eli took it for granted that he soared unafraid in each twist and turn of his varied experiences. He knew Cassie had that same capability. It was buried deep beneath insecurity, naïveté, and missed opportunities. He believed he could help her just as much as Joshua, if she decided to allow him.

  “Are you ready to talk to Joshua?” Cassie suddenly needed to be out of Eli’s presence. She abruptly stood up and motioned toward the door.

  “Yes,” Eli replied softly. “Let’s have a wrap up after I talk with Joshua. We will work out the initial schedule.” Eli watched her depart his office. He finally allowed himself to take in her sensuous curves and graceful movements. Beginning in adolescence and continuing through what was supposed to be the prime of their lives, women tended to move awkwardly in their own skin. Most young women he knew moved awkwardly, even uncomfortable at times. To Eli, headstrong and gawky was not a becoming combination. Eli believed strongly that a distinct difference existed between headstrong and self-confident.

  Although Cassie was older than he was, Eli considered her to be in her prime, even if chronological age stated the contrary. She simply had developed a grace her younger female counterparts lacked. Truly a rare gift. Cassie displayed self-confidence in her fluid movements and the way she carried her frame. Obviously, she still considered herself a contender in the game of life, even if she was not sure how to approach opportunities.

  Eli also admired the determined way she approached Joshua’s life. Clearly, she wanted him to begin his adult life self-assured and resolute. She epitomized a mother looking out for the best interests of her son.

  Eli stood up and waited for Cassie’s exit. Joshua appeared again, chips and soda in hand, ready to talk with him. Eli watched Cassie take a seat next to Mindy’s desk and close her eyes, as if she was deep in thought. Eli knew without a doubt he wanted to do everything possible to help this family find the happiness they deserved.

  * * * *

  As Cassie walked out of Eli’s office, she fought the impulse to run outside and take in some fresh air. Eli’s office had become quite claustrophobic very quickly and she felt as though his eyes were boring into her chest. Eli never appeared critical or demonstrated judgment. Regardless, Cassie felt drained and judged. She knew most of her negative emotions were self-created safety nets to keep people from getting too close. Cassie lived comfortably with her demons and doubted anyone would strip away their significance to her.

  When she sat down outside Eli’s office, she closed her eyes to replay the interview with him and hoped she had not disclosed too much. She did not want the weight of her failures to mar Joshua’s successes. She wanted Joshua to have an unblemished opportunity with the program and start out in a positive manner. Although Eli appeared understanding and compassionate, those adjectives combined with a Y chromosome never worked out well in her experiences, so she chose to proceed with caution.

  * * * *

  Cassie would never know how fully Eli took her words to heart, or how intently he watched her movements as long as he could before Joshua entered his office. He and Joshua enjoyed an animated, productive conversation, yet, he had to take notes for fear of losing their entire exchange. Eli realized Joshua was the official program participant; however, he felt a strong desire to help Cassie move forward as well.

  Now the challenge was to figure out how to do that.

  With the interviews completed, it was time for Cassie and Joshua to head back home. Eli hesitated, searching for a reason to encourage her to return soon. “Do you mind if I call you in a couple of days and see how things are going?” Eli’s hopeful question appeared innocent enough, yet almost intimate.

  “Please do call. I would appreciate it. Maybe later on I can offer some suggestions along the way if I see something that could be beneficial to the current curriculum.”

  Joshua stood listening to the adults. His stomach then growled, indicating the chips and pop metabolized much too quickly. “Mom, can we go now? I’m starving.”

  Cassie broke away from Eli’s gaze and laughed delicately. “Yes, son, let’s go feed you before you blow away.”

  I look forward to talking with you soon.” Cassie called as she walked away.

  Eli watched her walk away until she moved out of his line of sight. However, his fantasies turned a touch more primal the longer he focused on her hips. I think I’m going to like this assignment. Eli grinned to himself as he went back into his office.

  * * * *

  Cassie continued walking as her mind entertained a fantasy. She imagined he watched each movement, the swing of her hips in a graceful gait, the way her hair slid around her shoulders, which were a bit strai
ghter than when she came in earlier that morning. She had no way of knowing if she enchanted Eli enough that he watched her departure almost exactly as she hoped. She pretended anyway.

  Chapter Four

  Cassie and Joshua headed to his favorite restaurant. She decided he deserved an incentive for willingly participating in the new Channels program. Cassie also noticed he carried himself a bit more confidently than when he sulked into the office building earlier that day.

  After they ordered, Joshua surprised Cassie with an unexpected question. “Do you still love Dad?”

  Cassie’s first instinct was to reply vehemently, “Not no, but, hell no”. However, she decided that might hurt Joshua’s feelings. “Son, I truly loved your dad at one time,” she gently began, wondering how to finish. “The older we grew, the more we weren’t the same and it just got too hard to stay together.”

  Joshua appeared to contemplate Cassie’s words and ventured in with another unforeseen question. “How do people make sure they always love each other?”

  Cassie fidgeted for a moment, attempting to mask her discomfort. Then, Eli came into her mind, and the program he developed for kids he did not even know. “Someone who does things for the good of other people, all the time, without expecting anything in return…that’s the kind of person who could keep love alive.” Cassie impressed herself with her articulation.

  Joshua seemed to understand. “So, if you took me to McDonalds because you know I like it, even if you don’t, and didn’t complain about it, that lets me know I matter to you.” Cassie’s heart fluttered, even if Joshua’s simplistic rationale lacked sophistication, he nailed the point she was trying to make.

  “Yes, Joshua, that’s exactly what I meant. Because I love you, I put you first, and that’s what makes relationships truly work.” Cassie leaned across to ruffle Joshua’s hair in a loving manner, mussing it in the other direction.

  Cassie allowed Joshua to spend the night with a friend that evening. Initially, she looked forward to a quiet night home alone; however seeing such a handsome young man today had her thinking that maybe she needed to get out of the house more often. Although she really had no plans, she knew she would find something interesting to occupy her time. When they drove home earlier from the community college, she saw a little hole in the wall piano bar and remembered how fun it used to be to sit in the boisterous crowd and sing along. It was the type of place that did not matter if you were alone or in a group. As the evening progressed in a piano bar, everyone melded into one animated group.

  Cassie waited until Joshua left the house for the night with his friend before digging in her closet for something to wear. Toward the back of the closet a simple black silk sheath hung on a hanger. Hmmm, that might do, but, do I even know where that black demi bra is located? She tapped her finger against pursed lips in thought. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror and immediately noticed the wrinkles outside the corners of her smile.

  “Ugh!” She began a critical inventory of her features. “When did that happen?” She then began picking apart each of her feminine assets, comparing them to her younger years. She perused the crow’s feet around her eyes, the creases in her forehead, and the little pooch over the top of her little black panties. She turned around for a glimpse of her backside, grabbing a handheld mirror to ensure she caught every detail. “If I ever wondered what they meant by hail-damage, Houston, we now have a visual.” She sarcastically surveyed her ass and thighs.

  Before she sank too far into the pity tank, she stopped herself cold. “Get that dress on, slip on your heels, and walk out that door!” Cassie chastised her reflection. “It is what it is.” She resolutely declared her feminine independence to an imaginary audience. After she dressed, finished her hair and makeup, and touched up her lipstick, she took another personal inventory. The dress accentuated each of her positive attributes, the neckline curved low and combined with the push up from the bra to reveal delicate cleavage.

  Cassie’s derriere perked upward in the cling of the dress and helped show off calves carved from years of running that still appeared smooth and sleek. More importantly, not one dented inch of her thighs bubbled through the fabric, her back appeared straight and confident, and she easily swept her slightly salted hair demurely into a loose updo. Her tasteful eye shadow accentuated thoughtful deep green eyes; their dramatic presentation overshadowed any wrinkle or inset.

  Cassie’s overall beauty still shone through all of her pregnancies and late night pizza binges, despite her forty-six years.

  Cassie grabbed a small clutch purse and headed out the door. She sang a bit of Dean Martin on her way to the car, “Luck be a lady tonight…” She laughed whole-heartedly in her excitement. When was the last time she’d felt this good about a weekend? During the drive to the bar, she sang along with a classic 70s radio station, allowing herself to be transported to a carefree time in her life. However, when the theme from The Goodbye Girl came on the radio, she almost cursed David Gates.

  It had been one of her favorite songs as a young woman, but it now pained her to hear the simple, yet profound words of The Goodbye Girl. As successful as she became in life on her own, with a satisfying career, owning her home, taking care of and then losing both of her parents in death, and raising Joshua primarily on her own, she wanted a man to love her the way people loved each other in movies. Her personal script to that point contained no romantic happy endings. “You are the only one who can change that, Cassie, only you.” She sternly spoke to the steering wheel as her own podium to the world. “All your life you’ve waited for love to come and stay…” She sang softly. “I hope I don’t have to wait forever.”

  Cassie brightened as she arrived at the parking lot to the piano bar just as a crowd was beginning to gather. She walked self-assuredly into the lively establishment and found a spot at the bar toward the end nearest the piano. An energetic crooner in sunglasses at the helm of the baby grand loudly proclaimed, “I’ll have what the man on the floor is having!”

  She laughed at the piano player’s obnoxious silliness and ordered a dirty martini. She settled into her place at the bar and tried to look cool and composed.

  Chapter Five

  Eli decided he needed a night out. With the new program he directed, he’d had little opportunity in the past several weeks to kick back, enjoy a beer, and have some laughs. Customarily, he spent his rare few nights out at a little piano bar close to the college campus. However, he contemplated trying some place new as he showered and readied for the evening. A group of his best friends planned to join him and invariably insisted on a location obnoxious and loud.

  “We don’t care where we go, let’s just go!” one of them insisted to him during an earlier conversation.

  “We need cold beer and warm women.” Another friend interjected his own desires.

  Eli laughed at both of them, as it was obvious they had already downed a few beers during their leisurely Saturday.

  Leisurely Saturday, hmm? Eli pondered to himself. He did not know what that meant. He always involved himself in projects, workloads, and took every opportunity to learn anything new. Eli’s appetite for intellectual stimulation superseded that of the average thirty year old. While all his friends lived light-heartedly with little to no excess life-baggage, Eli immersed himself in his path to self-achievement. He rarely spent time in any activity that did not require scholarly thought processes.

  Even though Eli had a large and caring heart, he rarely dated because he did want to string any woman along for his own personal gain. Besides, he had yet to meet anyone interesting enough to tear him away from his job, secondary academic pursuits, or more importantly, his new project with Channels.

  Oh, but, Cassie had stirred his loins earlier that day. He groaned as he showered, thinking of the way her hips moved when she walked away from him. Eli was a sucker for a nice ass. He closed his eyes and imagined what she looked like naked. His better judgment took a back seat for once as he succumbe
d to the pleasures of self-stimulation. Oh, I need to do that more often. He surprised himself with the mental burst of energy that happened seconds after his physical burst of intimate release.

  Eli shut off the shower and stood for a moment dripping into the tub. He shook his head and laughed at his impromptu ‘get to know himself’; he generally reacted less impulsively. He realized he did not fit the description of a typical guy, but, when he was on schedule, not much distracted him. Tonight, his schedule included a few Guinness beers with his best buddies, and now he was running late. For once, he really did not mind that he took the extra time.

  Eli decided since his buddies had already started their Saturday night without him, they might as well hit their favorite joint, the piano bar. The crowd was predictable, the service acceptable, and the atmosphere promised genuine good times. The drive to and from the bar also appealed to Eli as it was just a couple miles up the road. Eli did not want to take a chance with a DUI for himself or his friends.

  Eli told his friends he would meet them there, but they insisted on picking him up. As he rarely hung out with them anymore, they wanted to ensure he would show up and not flake out on his promise to join them. They waited in the front room while he finished ironing his jeans.

  “You are ironing your jeans?” they yelled incredulously in unison.